Its Got To Be Better Than This

Sorry Im a bit slack on visiting and blogging. I am doing it tough at work at the moment. We have a new manager who sees everyone as a threat and is targeting some of us. It's just textbook bullying and harrasment and there is little any of us can do but survive each work day. If I still have a job after Christmas I'll be surprised and that has me worried sick. At the moment I seem to be just working and sleeping so Im sorry Im not sure when it will get back to normal, if ever.

Work

My work has become such a nasty, secretive, awful place and it wasn't always like that. It was an inspiring, happy motivated group but that's all gone. I have 4 girlfriends, in different departments that I'm clinging to, although one (luckily for her) is on maternity leave.

All 4 of us left can do little for each other, but just be there. An extra smile, a roll of the eyes, a giggle at the absurdity of it all. Two are applying for other jobs and we are cheering them on. It will be sad if they leave for those that are left, but freedom from this place is a goal of us all. For now it pays the bills but 'company loyalty' be damned, if we go, we'll take down the Bitch who now managers us. Live by the sword, die by it.

But for now I have 2 days away from it all

Eye On The Prize

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

Dalai Lama

I went for a job 2 weeks ago with two others. My Manager later told me I shouldnt of as it was chosen before the interview began. I wanted that job, it was supposed to be a promotion, more money, less grueling hours.

Its turned out a shock for the two that were given the job this week. Sixteen more hours a month, no weekends, no nights (thats big dollars) some shifts ending at midnight and starting again at 8 in the morning and it works out I will earn more a week than them, potter along and answer to no-one. Both are a bit shell shocked by all this. They are also 'company men' and will say nothing where as I would of raise hell.

I was angry about the way I was duped regarding the interview, Im so glad now I didnt get the job & feel sorry for my two friends that did. Life works out funny sometimes.

Secrets

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.”

Dr. Paul Tournier

Letter To The Dead

I am not the sum of who you think I am, I am myself and I am stronger than you give me credit for. Are you afraid? If one lives by the sword, one dies by it and I have the luxury of time on my side. I will wait, I will watch you cripple yourself with doubt, with mistrust, I will watch you bleed on the sword.

You picked the wrong angel to take on, did you think I would just shrug off your treatment. You are tainted, poisoned by the way you treat people. Did you not take into account that they now want your blood, that the have little to lose. You gave it your best but I am still here, still watching, still recording every miserable minute of your existence. Don't relax my once friend, it has taken ten years, I can wait another.

The Day Doesnt Matter Anymore

Would the idealistic, naive you, be proud of what you have done, or what you've become. Tread lightly and fear, for you are being watched, each day, each minute, each second. Each poisoned breath you steal from the dead, recorded. I owe you that much insignificant fucking whore to the system, enjoy your waltz to the music of the damned for I will see you in hell. Will you enjoy what we both know is tainted, brief & fleeting or will you wait knowing the death that is coming.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls
It tolls for thee.

and I will wait & watch